# Rachael Blackmore Counselling

> BACP-registered integrative counsellor offering individual and couples counselling in Corsham or Chippenham, Wiltshire — in person, online, and walk & talk sessions.

Rachael Blackmore provides confidential, integrative counselling for adults navigating relationship difficulties, divorce, bereavement, life transitions and stress. Sessions take place in a private room in Corsham, online via secure video, or as walk & talk sessions outdoors when weather permits.

Contact: hello@rachaelblackmore.com

This file contains the full text of every page and blog article on rachaelblackmore.com.

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## Home
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/

what comes next
Counselling for individuals and couples, in Corsham, Chippenham and online.
Because life doesn't always unfold in the way we expected.
Book a Session
A space to think, feel and move forward
Sometimes we come to the realisation that the life we've built no longer feels like it fits, and we begin to feel a little lost – as though we don't quite recognise ourselves anymore. If you're here because life doesn't feel the way you hoped it would, you're in the right place.
Perhaps...
a relationship has ended.
your children have grown up and no longer need you in the same way.
somewhere along the way, you've lost sight of who you are.
you're questioning whether life could feel different.
you're standing at a crossroads and aren't sure which direction to take next.
Whatever has brought you here, you don't have to navigate it alone. Sometimes it simply helps to have someone alongside you as you make sense of what's happening and decide where to go next.
Sessions are available:
Space to talk, reflect and gain clarity
Counselling gives you time to step back from the noise and focus on what matters.
I take time to understand what’s going on for you, what you’re feeling, and what feels important.
This is your space to find your own path, at your own pace.
Support for you and your relationships
My approach
I work in an integrative way, drawing on different approaches depending on what you need.
You'll be met with:
A confidential, non-judgemental space
A calm and supportive environment
The time to explore things openly
We work together, focusing on what feels most important to you
Read About My Approach
Your privacy matters
Fees and next steps
Clear, transparent fees:
Straightforward pricing
No hidden costs
No pressure to continue if it doesn’t feel right for you
If you’d like to ask a question or see whether this feels like the right fit, you’re welcome to get in touch or arrange an initial conversation.
View fees
Taking the first step
You don’t need to have everything figured out to get in touch.
If you’d like to ask a question or arrange a session, you’re very welcome to contact me.
Get in Touch
Read all testimonials
When you’re ready
If this feels like the right next step, you’re welcome to get in touch.
Lets Talk
How much does it cost?
Individual sessions are £70. Couples sessions are £110.
Can I see you face to face?
Yes, sessions take place in a private room in Corsham or Chippenham, and walk and talk sessions are also available if the weather permits.
Do you work online?
Yes, sessions are available via video using WhatsApp or Teams.
Will I need to wait long for an appointment?
Most people are able to arrange an appointment within around two weeks.
Do you offer a free initial session?
I don’t offer a free session, but I’m happy to have a brief phone conversation to answer any questions.
Rachael Blackmore Counselling
BACP-registered integrative counsellor in Corsham and Chippenham. Individual and couples counselling, in person, online and walk & talk.
In person from a private room in Corsham or Chippenham
Online via secure video
As walk and talk sessions when the weather allows
Individual Counselling
For when something in your life feels difficult, uncertain, or painful
Couples Counselling
For when your relationship feels strained, disconnected, or difficult to talk about
For counsellors and those working in helping roles.
Clinical Supervision
Rachael Blackmore, integrative counsellor
Confidentiality is central to the work.
I do not keep written notes of our sessions so what you share stays between us.
You can speak openly, knowing your experiences are treated with care and respect.
What clients say
Common questions
ve built no longer feels like it fits, and we begin to feel a little lost – as though we don
re here because life doesn
re standing at a crossroads and aren
t have to navigate it alone. Sometimes it simply helps to have someone alongside you as you make sense of what

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## About Rachael
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/about

About
Rachael Blackmore
About Rachael
I’m Rachael, a qualified integrative counsellor based in Corsham, working with individuals and couples both in person and online.
People often come to counselling when something in life no longer feels manageable or clear.
You might be facing a difficult decision, going through a change, or feeling overwhelmed by emotions that are hard to make sense of.
My role is to offer a calm, supportive space where you can pause, reflect and begin to understand what’s going on for you, without judgement or pressure.
This is your time to be heard, to explore your experiences, and to move towards something that feels more steady and more your own.
My Approach
My approach & philosophy
I believe you are the expert on your own life.
My approach is shaped by both training and many years of experience.
This shapes how I work, with empathy, care and respect for your pace.
I have experience supporting clients with, but not limited to:
Sessions
How sessions work
Sessions are designed to feel straightforward, flexible and focused on what you need.
I do not keep written notes of our sessions. This is a conscious decision to protect your privacy, so what you share stays between us.
Whether you prefer face-to-face sessions, online support, or walk and talk sessions when appropriate, we can find an approach that works for you.
When you’re ready
Taking the first step can feel difficult, but it can also be the beginning of something important.
Lets Talk
About Rachael Blackmore
Meet Rachael Blackmore, a BACP-registered integrative counsellor offering individual and couples counselling in Corsham and Chippenham, online and walk & talk.
BACP registered member logo
Rachael Blackmore - Counsellor
Feeling heard, understood and accepted is at the heart of meaningful change.
You set the pace. I offer a warm, non-judgemental space where you can explore what matters most.
Ethical & Reflective
I work within the BACP Ethical Framework and engage in regular supervision to support safe, thoughtful practice.
Qualifications & membership
Level 4 Diploma in Integrative Counselling
Registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)
Specialist training in couples and relationship therapy
Regular clinical supervision
Ongoing continuing professional development (CPD)
Relationship challenges
Life transitions and decision-making
Grief and loss
Available in person in Corsham, Chippenham, or online via video.
Session types
Individual counselling and couples counselling.
50 minutes for individuals, 60 minutes for couples.
Weekly, fortnightly or arranged around your schedule.
A confidential, non-judgemental space where you can speak openly.
Long-term and short-term counselling to suit your needs.

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## Therapies
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/therapies

Therapies
Therapeutic Support
Support for individuals and couples, in Corsham, Chippenham and online.
A space to be heard
I offer a calm, confidential space where you can talk openly and explore what’s going on for you, at your own pace.
You might be facing something specific, or simply feeling that things are not quite as they should be.
We take time to understand your thoughts and feelings, and begin to make sense of them together.
I work in an integrative way, drawing on different approaches depending on what you need. There’s no fixed method, we find a way of working that feels right for you.
Choosing the Right Support
How I can help
Individual counselling
One-to-one sessions where you can talk through what’s troubling you in a safe, non-judgemental space.
We work together to understand what’s going on for you, and to find a way forward that feels right.
You might be experiencing:
About Individual Counselling
Couples & relationship therapy
A space to talk openly about what’s happening in your relationship, with support to help you understand each other more clearly.
This might involve working through difficulties together, or finding a way forward separately.
About Couples Counselling
Therapeutic support for individuals and couples in Corsham, Chippenham and online. Choose from in-person, online, or walk & talk sessions.
Life changes or uncertainty
Feeling overwhelmed
Past issues are impacting you today
Grief and loss
Communication difficulties
A loss of connection or intimacy
A break in trust
Challenges around separation or change
How sessions work
Get in touch
Reach out to ask a question or arrange an initial conversation.
Initial session
We talk through what’s brought you to counselling and what you’d like from it.
Regular sessions
Sessions usually take place weekly, either in person or online.
We work at a pace that feels right for you, reviewing things together as we go.
If you’d like to see whether this feels like the right fit, you’re welcome to get in touch
Get in Touch

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## Individual Counselling
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/individual-counselling

Individuals
Individual Counselling
A calm, confidential space to talk through what’s on your mind, at your own pace, without judgement.
People come to counselling for many different reasons.
Sometimes there’s a clear point of difficulty, such as a loss, a relationship change, or a period of overwhelm. At other times, it can be a quieter sense that something isn’t quite right. Both are valid reasons to reach out.
You might be experiencing:
One-to-one counselling at £70 per 50-minute session. In person in Corsham, Chippenham, online, or walk & talk with a BACP-registered counsellor.
When You Might Seek Support
You don’t need to have it all figured out
Life changes or uncertainty
Feeling stuck or disconnected
Difficulties in relationships
Burnout or work-related stress
Grief and loss
Stress or feeling overwhelmed
Experiences from the past that are impacting your life today
How it works
Getting in touch
Reach out to ask a question or arrange an initial conversation.
First session
We explore what’s going on for you and what you’d like from counselling. There’s no right or wrong place to start.
Ongoing sessions
Sessions usually take place weekly and last 50 minutes. We work at a pace that feels right for you, reviewing things together as we go.
Session Types
Ways we can work together
Face-to-face sessions in a quiet, private room in Corsham or Chippenham, Wiltshire.
Secure video sessions if you prefer to work from your own space.
Outdoor sessions when appropriate, where movement can support the process.
Ready to talk?
There’s no pressure to commit. You’re welcome to get in touch when you feel ready.
Get in Touch

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## Couples Counselling
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/couples-counselling

Couples
Couples Counselling
A calm, supportive space to talk through what’s happening in your relationship and to find clarity about what comes next.
Every relationship goes through challenging periods.
Sometimes there’s a clear event, such as a loss, a break in trust, or a significant disagreement. At other times, it can feel like you’ve slowly grown apart.
Couples counselling offers a space where both of you can be heard.
You might be experiencing:
Working towards repair
If you both want to understand what’s happening and see whether things can change, counselling offers a space to explore this together.
The focus is on helping you understand each other more clearly, and to find a way forward that feels right for both of you.
Navigating separation
Sometimes the healthiest step is to separate.
Counselling can support you through that process, helping you communicate more clearly and move through it with as much understanding as possible.
Where children are involved, this can also support you in working together as parents.
Couples counselling at £110 per 60-minute session. A supportive space to work through challenges together, in person in Corsham, Chippenham or online.
Relationship Challenges
When things feel difficult
Communication has become difficult
Trust has been affected
Difficulties surrounding intimacy
A sense of distance or disconnection
Changes such as parenthood placing strain on the relationship
Uncertainty about the future
An affair or betrayal
Feeling you are no longer compatible
Whatever the Outcome
Repair or separation. Both are valid
How couples therapy works
Getting in touch
Reach out to ask a question or arrange an initial conversation.
First sessions
Early sessions focus on understanding your relationship, your perspectives, and what you would both like to work on.
Ongoing work
Sessions are 60 minutes. We explore patterns in your relationship and take things at a pace that feels manageable for both of you.
Session Types
Ways we can work together
Face-to-face sessions in a quiet, private room in Corsham or Chippenham, Wiltshire.
Secure video sessions if you prefer to join from your own space.
Ready to start a conversation?
There’s no pressure to commit. You’re welcome to get in touch when you feel ready.
Get in Touch

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## Fees
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/fees

Investment
Fees
Clear, straightforward pricing with no hidden costs.
Session fees
Individual Counselling (50 minutes)
£70
Couples Counselling (60 minutes)
£110
Telephone Consultation (15 minutes)
Free
Clinical Supervision (60 minutes) — while in training
£30
Payment & cancellation
Counselling Fees
Clear, straightforward counselling fees with no hidden costs. Individual sessions £70, couples £110, free 15-minute initial consultation.
Sessions are paid for individually. There's no requirement to commit to a block of sessions upfront.
Payment is made by bank transfer at the time of booking.
If you need to cancel, I ask for at least 4 days notice. Late cancellations will be charged at the full session rate.
Any questions about fees?
If you have any questions, you’re welcome to get in touch or raise them during an initial conversation.
Get in Touch

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## Clinical Supervision
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/supervision

Supervision
Clinical Supervision
A space to reflect, develop and grow in your practice.
Enquire about supervision
Supervision offers a dedicated space to think about your client work, reflect on your practice, and support your ongoing development as a counsellor.
Whether you are in training, newly qualified, or an experienced practitioner, supervision provides an opportunity to explore challenges, recognise good practice, and ensure that you are working safely, ethically and effectively.
I offer a supportive, collaborative relationship where you can talk openly about your work without fear of judgement. Together, we can explore what feels important; helping you gain clarity, confidence and fresh perspectives.
Training as a Clinical Supervisor
I am currently undertaking training in Clinical Supervision and am looking to work with a small number of supervisees as part of my development.
While I am training, I am offering supervision at half my usual future fee. This provides an opportunity to access professional, reflective supervision at a reduced rate while contributing to my learning and growth as a supervisor.
As an experienced integrative counsellor and registered member of the BACP, I bring my existing therapeutic experience, alongside current supervision training, to create a thoughtful and supportive supervisory relationship.
Benefits
How supervision can help
Sessions
Supervision is available:
If you would like to discuss whether we might be a good fit to work together, please get in touch for an informal conversation.
Leave your details and I'll be in touch to arrange an informal conversation.
Thank you
Enquiry sent
Thank you for getting in touch. I'll respond shortly to arrange an informal conversation.
Who is clinical supervision for?
Supervision is for trainee counsellors, newly qualified counsellors and experienced practitioners who want a reflective space to think about their client work and ongoing development.
How much does supervision cost?
While I am training as a clinical supervisor, supervision is offered at £30 per hour — half my usual future fee.
Where do supervision sessions take place?
Sessions are available face to face in Corsham, Chippenham, or online via secure video.
Are you a qualified clinical supervisor?
I am an experienced integrative counsellor and registered member of the BACP, currently undertaking training in Clinical Supervision and working with a small number of supervisees as part of my development.
Reflective clinical supervision for trainee, newly qualified and experienced counsellors. In Corsham, Chippenham or online.
Something went wrong. Please try again or email rachael@rachaelblackmore.com directly.
Who it's for
Supervision for different stages of practice
Trainee counsellors
Supporting you through your placement and training journey.
Newly qualified counsellors
Helping you build confidence and develop your professional identity.
Experienced practitioners
A fresh perspective to enhance your reflective practice.
Rachael Blackmore, integrative counsellor and supervisor in training
A confidential, safe space to reflect on client work
Support with ethical and professional issues
Opportunities to develop confidence and competence
A place to explore challenges and acknowledge effective practice
Time to think about self-care and professional wellbeing
Face to face in Corsham or Chippenham
Online via secure video
Email Address
Tell me a little about what you are looking for from supervision...
Send enquiry

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## Counselling in Corsham
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/counselling-corsham

Who It's For
What I Offer
Counselling in Corsham
Counselling in Corsham | Rachael Blackmore Counselling
BACP-registered counselling in central Corsham, Wiltshire. Individual and couples sessions, in person, online or walk & talk.
If you're looking for a counsellor in Corsham, I offer a warm, private space where you can explore your thoughts and feelings in complete confidence. My practice is conveniently located in central Corsham, easily accessible from surrounding areas.
You're experiencing stress
You're going through a relationship difficulty
You've experienced loss or bereavement
You're feeling stuck or overwhelmed
You want to improve your current life situation
You're navigating a major life change
Individual Counselling
One-to-one sessions tailored to your unique needs, exploring issues at your own pace.
Couples Therapy
Support for couples navigating relationship challenges, improving communication and connection.
Online Sessions
Can't make it in person? I also offer secure video sessions from the comfort of your home.
Free Consultation
A 15-minute introductory call to discuss your needs and see if we're a good fit.
Counselling is for you if…

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## Testimonials
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/testimonials

Kind Words
What clients say
A few words from people I've worked with.
Submit a review
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Reviews are coming soon.

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## Get in Touch
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/get-in-touch

Contact
Get in Touch
Ready to take the first step? Send me a message or book a free 15-minute introductory call.
Send a message
Individual Counselling
Couples Therapy
Supervision
General Enquiry
Contact details
Email
rachael@rachaelblackmore.com
Phone
07876 242203
Locations
Corsham, Wiltshire
Chippenham, Wiltshire
Online (WhatsApp or Teams)
Free 15-Minute Call
Not sure if counselling is right for you? Book a free introductory call to discuss your situation and see if we're a good fit.
What can I expect from the first session?
The first session is, to all intents and purposes, your first counselling session. This session is an opportunity for us to get to know each other and see if you feel comfortable working with me. We'll also discuss what brought you to therapy, what you'd like to achieve, and begin the therapy process.
How many sessions will I need?
This varies from person to person. Some people find that 4 sessions are enough, while others benefit from longer-term work. We'll review progress regularly and you're free to end therapy whenever you feel ready.
Is everything I say confidential?
Yes. Confidentiality is fundamental to the therapeutic relationship. There are very limited exceptions, which I'll explain fully in our first session, but broadly speaking what you share stays between us.
Do you offer online sessions?
Yes, I offer secure video sessions via Teams/WhatsApp. Online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions and offers greater flexibility.
What's the difference between counselling and therapy?
The terms are often used interchangeably. Both involve talking with a trained professional in a safe, confidential space to explore your feelings and work through difficulties.
Message sent
Thank you for getting in touch. I'll respond within 24-48 hours.
Something went wrong
Your message couldn't be sent. Please try again or email rachael@rachaelblackmore.com directly.
Email Address *
Phone Number (optional)
Type of Enquiry
Your Message *
Send Message
Common questions
ll also discuss what brought you to therapy, what you
ll review progress regularly and you

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## Privacy Policy
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/privacy-policy

Your privacy
Privacy Policy
How I look after the personal information you share with me.
Last updated: 20/04/2026
Introduction
Your privacy matters to me. This policy explains how I collect, use and look after your personal information when you get in touch or work with me at Rachael Blackmore Counselling.
Information I collect
Depending on how we work together, I may hold:
Your contact details will be deleted once our work together has ended. A signed agreement may be kept for up to three years, in line with professional and administrative requirements.
Website usage
This website does not use tracking cookies or analytics tools that identify you personally. Basic server logs may record anonymous information such as page visits and technical details to help keep the website running securely.
How I use your information
Your information is used solely to provide and support our counselling work. I do not share your details with any third party except where required by law, or where you have given explicit consent.
Confidentiality
Everything discussed in our sessions is confidential. The only exceptions are rare situations where there is a serious risk of harm to you or someone else, or where disclosure is required by law. Wherever possible, I would discuss this with you first.
Data security
I take appropriate steps to keep your information safe. Online sessions are held on secure, encrypted platforms. Any notes are kept securely and only for as long as is necessary, in line with my professional body's guidance.
Your rights
You have the right to ask what information I hold about you, to have it corrected, or to request that it is deleted. Please get in touch if you would like to do this.
Contact
rachael@rachaelblackmore.com
Your name, email address and phone number
Information you share with me during our sessions
Payment references (payments themselves are handled by your bank)

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## Terms
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/terms

Working together
Terms of Service
The practical terms that shape our work together.
Last updated: 10/08/2026
Booking & payment
Sessions are booked in advance by mutual agreement. Current fees are:
Payment is made by bank transfer at the time of booking. There is no requirement to commit to a block of sessions in advance.
Cancellation policy
If you need to cancel or move a session, please give at least 4 days notice. Sessions cancelled with less notice will be charged at the full rate.
Session format
Sessions can take place in one of three ways, whichever feels right for you:
Confidentiality
Everything we discuss is held in confidence, with the limited exceptions set out in my Privacy Policy. Sessions are not recorded.
Professional boundaries
Our relationship is a professional therapeutic one. Outside of scheduled sessions, contact is limited to brief practical messages such as arranging or rearranging appointments.
Ending therapy
You are free to end our work at any time. Where possible, I find it helpful to have a final session together to reflect on what we have done and bring things to a considered close.
Complaints
If anything about my service is not working for you, I would much rather hear about it directly so we can talk it through. As a BACP-registered integrative counsellor, I work to the BACP Ethical Framework, and you are also free to contact the BACP if you wish to raise a formal concern.
Individual counselling — £70 (50 minutes)
Couples counselling — £110 (60 minutes)
Initial 15-minute consultation — free of charge
Supervision - £30 (60 minutes)
In person at my consulting room in Corsham or Chippenham
Online by secure video call
Walk and talk sessions outdoors in a quiet local setting (individual counselling only)

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## What counselling is not
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/blog/what-counselling-is-not
Published: 03/08/2026

What counselling is not:

 

I thought I might dispel some myths around counselling today, because these are things that have come up more than once over the decade or so that I’ve been a counsellor.

 

Firstly, and this is the most common misconception, is the idea that a counsellor will ‘sort your life out for you’. Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on your view!) we won’t do that, because we can’t. A counsellor won’t make decisions for you or tell you what to do – and nor should they. The fact is, it’s your life and you really are the only one who can figure out what’s best for you.

 

It also isn’t an hour where you sit and talk while the counsellor simply nods and offers very little in return – at least it shouldn’t be anyway. If you are feeling that you aren’t getting what you need from your counsellor in terms of feedback or helpful responses, express that to them. If you still feel the same way in subsequent sessions, maybe you might think about finding someone else to work with.

 

It also isn’t “just a chat”, although it should feel natural and comfortable enough to feel like a conversation. There’s a lot going on in that room that you will be unaware of; a counsellor has trained for 3+ years so that the session feels unforced, whilst working very hard to understand you, your situation, your blocks, your history and anything else you bring to them.

 

It is not like the therapy you see in films and TV programmes either – you won’t be expected to lie down on a sofa while I sit behind you silently scribbling on a notepad! Neither will I order a Chinese, eat my packed lunch or tell you countless stories about myself 😄

 

It is also not a place where you are expected to be 100% serious and on your ‘best behaviour’ at all times. I have a sense of humour and if you do too we may laugh at things sometimes. We may swear. We may get things wrong. It’s all fine, we’re both human after all…

 

Finally – and this is important – it is NOT something that ‘Anyone can do’ so if you decide to book in with a counsellor please ask them what their qualifications are and whether they are a member of the BACP/NCPS or other organisation.

 

What counselling is:

 

Counselling is a thoughtful, two-way conversation with someone who is really listening, not only to what you say, but to the feelings, patterns and experiences underneath it. I’ll ask questions, share things I notice and sometimes gently challenge you to look at something differently. I won’t tell you what to do, but I will help you understand yourself more fully, explore your choices and work out what feels right for you

 

Most importantly, it’s a warm, confidential space where you can speak honestly without worrying about being judged, upsetting someone or having to look after anybody else’s feelings. Sometimes, having that space can help everything begin to make a little more sense. It feels kind of like having someone to help you spread out all the pieces of a complicated jigsaw puzzle so that you can see what fits where and start to see a clearer, more coherent picture taking shape.

 

I offer counselling and relationship therapy in Corsham, Chippenham and online.

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## Finding Yourself Again After a Painful Break-up
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/blog/how-to-heal-when-a-relationship-breaks-down
Published: 12/07/2026

In my work as a counsellor and relationship therapist, one of the most common reasons people seek support is because they are finding it almost impossible to move forward with their lives after a particularly difficult and painful break-up. With that in mind, I’d like to share some thoughts that I hope will help you better understand why moving on can feel so difficult, and perhaps make the journey through it feel a little less overwhelming.

Of course, no two relationships – or the end of a relationship – are ever quite the same, so this can only be a general reflection on such a deeply personal experience. What I can say is that my heart goes out to you if you have been left feeling scarred, and I know that regaining a sense of who you were before the relationship can be incredibly difficult. Please know that I am not in any way minimising or trivialising what you have been, or may still be, going through.

I have read a number of articles and blogs on this subject and have found many of them to be a bit shallow. The sort of ‘Go on holiday’ or ‘Buy yourself some new shoes!’ type advice. I’m actually a fan of the ‘Start exercising and taking care of your physical and mental health’ advice but I know this is only one small part of the healing process and may offer only limited relief.

So, what follows is my attempt to offer something with a little more depth than the usual. My hope is to explore some of the reasons why moving on after a painful break-up can feel so difficult, and to offer some thoughts that may help you begin to heal. You may have come across the concept of Radical Acceptance. Although this isn’t an article about Radical Acceptance, some of the ideas that follow share a similar philosophy of acknowledging reality as it is, rather than fighting against it.

It can also be helpful to recognise that any major loss is often experienced as grief. It’s entirely possible that you’re moving through the stages of grief and will experience a multitude of emotions that seem to ebb and flow depending on what day it is. You may move back and forth through these stages, but be reassured you will come out the other side.

I often explore the loss of the ‘fantasy’ relationship with the people I work with. The sense of loss over the imagined future that will never be, or the idea of the relationship as it was in your mind, can be just as painful as the loss of the actual relationship. Perhaps you have idealised them and are putting all the negatives to the back of your mind and are torturing yourself with everything you believed you have lost – the ‘rose tinted glasses’ effect. Maybe you’re doing the opposite – maybe you’re holding on to all the negatives and are eaten up with anger and resentment that they took this version of your life away from you: you just can’t forgive them for breaking your heart.

And, of course, the fantasy is most likely not how it really was or would have been because, inevitably, there’s always a reason it ended. It may not have been a reason that you currently understand or agree with, but there was a reason nevertheless. Are you mourning the loss of the relationship you believed it could have been, rather than the one it was? Because letting go of a dream is painful and being faced with an unknown future is scary, I’m not debating that. But the thing is – the future is always unknown, whether you are in that relationship or not. It can never be predicted. All we can ever be certain of is right now.

So it will be what it will be, even without that person.

Many of us don’t consider the fact that relationships are subjective. It’s not that we don’t ‘know’ that, but that we don’t really consider it consciously. We tend to assume the other person is experiencing things in the same way we are. We assume they feel the same way (or at least in a similar way) as we do; that they have the same expectations of the relationship as we do; that they have the same shared vision of the future as we do. But sometimes this isn’t the case.

There is some sense of shared experience, of course, but mostly we need to remember that we don’t see things as ‘they’ are; we see things as ‘we’ are and if you can take a minute to digest that, it can create quite a shift in your perception of almost everything.

Maybe you had different expectations of the relationship – you assumed that marriage and children were a given, but they never wanted children and assumed a child-free life was a given. Maybe they don’t believe in marriage but you feel it’s important. Maybe they don’t see flirting with someone else as being disrespectful, but you do. Maybe you expected to do everything as a couple, but they expected to continue to do things with their friends.

Sometimes these things aren’t communicated, maybe because each party just assumes the other person is on the same page as they are, or possibly because they want to avoid the topic for fear of it affecting the relationship they currently have.

There is also the possibility that the other person led you to believe that they did indeed hold the same expectations as you. They had no intention of having children, for example, but allowed you to believe they would because they didn’t want the relationship to end. Maybe they were more deliberately cruel than that. Maybe they were wonderful for a while, but then seemed to transform overnight. Maybe they cheated; maybe you did.

Sometimes though, people just change and it’s a sad fact of life that if you don’t change together, you grow apart, and if one of you wants the relationship to come to an end because you don’t feel the same anymore, it can be incredibly painful for the other person to accept – especially if they are still very much in love.

It can help to remember that they did what they did because of what they believed was right for them, rather than it being as a result of who you are or what you did. As human beings, we are usually motivated by self-interest. We do what we believe is best for us, and although we don’t mean to hurt other people, the two positions may not be able to co-exist. We may have to hurt someone in order to get what we believe we want and/or need. It doesn’t make it right, or easy to accept, but knowing that they did what they did because of them – not you – means you can start to let go of any negative feelings you might have about yourself and your worth, and begin to see yourself in a healthier, more positive light.

The chances are you couldn’t have done anything differently, and even if you could there is no point dwelling and regretting. If you feel you were genuinely lacking in some way, it’s far better to use that knowledge to do things differently in the future than to beat yourself up over it in the now.

The thing to remember is that your identity is not built around being one half of another person; you aren’t defined by the relationship or by the break up. You are many other things besides. You are you, and you are who you are because of everything that has happened to you up to this point, good and bad. Although it may not feel like it right now, this break-up is only one chapter of your life, not the whole story. Your life didn’t begin with this relationship, and it doesn’t end with it either. As difficult as it may be to imagine, there will come a time when this relationship is no longer the defining feature of your life. Instead, it will become one part of the story that has shaped the person you are continuing to become.

I absolutely believe our paths are mapped out for us and that everything happens for a reason. If something happens that feels awful (which it will – life is never a complete bed of roses), there is often something better waiting around the corner.

You may or may not subscribe to this way of thinking, you may think it’s a load of BS, and I respect that position as I hope you are able to respect mine, but often it can be so much more helpful to have some hope that things will be okay – in fact, better than okay, just given time.

It’s important to accept all your feelings: it’s okay to be angry (but not vengeful) and to feel resentful and sad and disappointed, possibly even to still love them to some extent, and all the other things that you need to feel. Feel them, acknowledge why you feel them, and then one day, if possible, accept what has happened and try to let go. Healing is about gradually reclaiming your own life, so that the relationship becomes part of your past rather than something that continues to shape your present. In time, your future can be shaped by your choices rather than by what has happened to you.

If you find yourself only remembering the things they did that hurt you, can you also remember some of the good things? Equally, if you can only focus on the wonderful times, can you gently remind yourself of some of the negatives too? The aim isn’t to tip the balance one way or the other, but to see the whole relationship as it really was, rather than through the lens of anger or idealisation.

Also bear in mind that the past doesn’t predict the future – I can’t stress this enough. One person’s actions in the past do not, in fact, dictate those of another, entirely different person in the future. All too often we are hurt by someone and are so fearful of experiencing that again, we avoid relationships like the plague. It’s natural to make this assumption (in fact this ‘logic’ is how we avoid burning ourselves on a hot stove more than once) but it is a flawed assumption nevertheless.

Yes, you were hurt and your trust was broken, but that was by them, not by the next person you meet.

Having said that, may I tentatively suggest that if you find yourself endlessly choosing partners who hurt you, it might be an idea to look at the way you feel about yourself and your expectations of what you deserve in a relationship.

This isn’t about blaming yourself for what has happened. Rather, it’s about recognising that sometimes our past experiences, our beliefs about ourselves, or the relationships we’ve witnessed growing up can quietly influence the people we choose. Becoming aware of those patterns isn’t about dwelling on the past; it’s about giving yourself the opportunity to make different choices in the future.

If counselling has taught me anything, it’s that understanding ourselves more deeply often opens the door to healthier relationships, stronger boundaries and a greater belief that we deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

One of the things I would encourage you to hold on to throughout all of this is hope. Human beings have an incredible capacity to adapt. We don’t always believe it when we’re in the middle of pain, but time has a remarkable way of softening even the deepest wounds. Healing isn’t about forgetting someone or pretending the relationship didn’t matter. It’s about gradually finding a way to carry the experience without it defining who you are or dictating what comes next.

Little by little, life begins to expand again. The things that once felt impossible become manageable, and the future starts to feel less frightening and more full of possibility.

So, as I end this brief exploration of moving on after a painful separation, I’d like to encourage you to remember to trust in the human condition.

Human beings have an immense capacity to heal over time and to adjust to new circumstances and live in a new way, even through pain. We somehow find a way to keep going, to rebuild our strength, to gain resilience and to feel stronger and more positive day by day. Healing rarely happens all at once. There will almost certainly be days when you feel you’re making progress, followed by days when it seems as though you’ve gone backwards again. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it’s simply part of the process. Be patient with yourself.

Keep the faith and be kind to yourself – things will get better for you. Life’s not over yet, so try to believe there are brighter things coming your way.

And of course, if anything I’ve written has resonated with you and you feel that having someone alongside you as you work through this process would be helpful, I’d be very happy to support you. Please feel free to get in touch.

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## Stress – the signs you need to look out for
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/blog/stress-the-signs-you-need-to-look-out-for
Published: 22/06/2026

We say it all the time: ‘I’m so stressed!’ but do we actually know what we’re saying?

The word ‘stressed’ and ‘depressed’ are often over-used, and usually we just mean that we are overwhelmed/wound up/down in the dumps, and after a short time we feel okay again. Stress is a part of everyday life: Have an exam that you haven’t prepared for? Yep – you’re stressed. Have an important deadline and have left things until the last minute? Yep – you’re stressed.

The examples I’ve given (and I’m sure you can add your own) are just short bursts of stress, and actually, that type of stress is designed to be helpful. It’s designed to give you the burst of energy you need to get things done.

Think back to the Stone Age: We needed stress to survive – that sudden burst of adrenaline would stop us from being eaten by a Sabretooth Tiger, or would give us the extra speed and endurance we needed to chase our dinner and catch it. The thing is – we no longer need to do that because we aren’t usually in ‘danger’, but our bodies don’t know that – and so when we feel ‘threatened’, our bodies act as though our life is at risk in the same way they did all those years ago…

Now, as I say, short bursts of stress are fine; they’re normal. The trouble starts when we feel that level of stress over a long period of time. If we are constantly feeling the pressure of deadlines; worrying about getting into trouble with our boss; feeling tired because we are working too hard and doing too many things at once, we are in danger of suffering from chronic stress and are heading for trouble.

There are lots of things I could tell you about the effects of stress on our body, but for now I will just give you a brief overview of the 3 stages we may find ourselves going through if we are suffering from chronic stress. We will call it ‘stress breakdown’ because that is what will happen when you reach stage 3.

Stage one

You will feel a sort of ‘free floating’ anxiety – a feeling that something bad has happened/foreboding/mild panic that you can’t seem to attribute to anything. Usually, we know why we feel like that (like in the examples I mentioned above), but in stage 1 of stress breakdown we can’t quite put our finger on it.

If you start to feel like this it is usually because either you are trying to:

a)    Do something too difficult; or

b)   Trying to do too much at one time

So you need to stop and think about whether one of these is the case. If it is, you need to try to think of a way to manage what you are doing. So you could, for example, delegate something on your to-do list, or figure out which of the things on there can wait. Or if something is too difficult, you could ask for help.

The other 3 things we humans find difficult are:

·       Waiting for an indefinite period of time

·       Finding ourselves in a no-win situation

·       Having to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances

So perhaps you have found yourself in one of these situations and it is causing that feeling of rising panic within you. In this instance, it may be helpful to employ stress relieving exercises such as mindfulness.

Stage two

If you decide to ignore the signs that you are in stage one, it is highly likely that you will move into stage two.

In this stage, there are 2 main signs to look out for:

1)   You are unable to control your emotions

2)   You lack self-motivation

So, for example, you might cry on the way to work; cry in the toilets at lunchtime; and cry on your way home from work. You might be snappy with your husband/wife/family and feel on the edge all the time. Lacking self-motivation is especially difficult if you run your own business, because it feels as though your ‘get up and go’ has got up and gone.

In this stage, if it’s at all possible, you need to remove yourself from the situation you are finding stressful and get some sleep and rest. This stage is caused because the neurotransmitters in the brain are beginning to misfire or shut down, and sleep is the only thing that will repair them.

If you choose to ignore these signs, and you continue to function in the same way – changing nothing and acknowledging nothing –  you will move into stage three and you don’t want to be there, believe me.

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Stage 3 – breakdown

In this stage, you are in danger of breaking down altogether.

The signs to look out for are:

·       An apparent personality transplant – you are behaving as if you are not the same person you once were

·       You avoid sensory stimulation – it feels too much. You can’t stand bright lights, loud noises, or even the touch of your partner.

·       You can no longer ignore or ‘not react’ to things you once were able to ignore – you snap and over-react to the slightest provocation.

Sadly, in this stage, it can be very common for people to wrongly believe that their marriage or romantic partnership is breaking down. They may believe that they no longer love their partner, or that their partner no longer loves them.

This is a confusing time for everyone involved. You see, what is happening is that the brain’s neurotransmitters are shutting down. The overstimulated, overwhelmed brain can no longer process everything and so the neurotransmitters associated with that part of the brain simply shut off – like an overloaded circuit in a circuit board. This means that the things that once held great importance to the over-stressed person no longer seem to matter. They are more concerned with alphabetising their bookshelf than they are paying the bills or tending to their loved one’s needs. And the worst thing is – they don’t realise it’s happening. Why would they? That part of their brain is no longer feeding them information, so they remain unaware that they aren’t doing the things they should be or used to do.

In this stage, they need to be rescued by someone else, because they are past the point of being able to rescue themselves. They need to be taken away from anything that could potentially cause overwhelm, and they need sleep and nutritious food. In this stage, they are at risk of breaking down altogether and needing hospitalisation if left for too long. It’s a scary place, and sadly, many marriages have ended as a result.

This might sound frightening, and I’m sorry about that, but I think it is important that we all know this. Stress is all too common nowadays, and if you don’t know what to look out for, you could be at risk. That said – there are many resources available to help over-stressed people look after themselves and manage their lives more effectively, a simple Google search may be all you need. You could also consider seeing a counsellor – whether it’s me or someone else.

Get in touch if you think I can help.

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## 12 Things You Need to Do for Yourself
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/blog/12-things-you-need-to-do-for-yourself
Published: 16/06/2026

I originally wrote this post just after Christmas, when many of us were thinking about making New Years Resolutions. But the ideas below can be done at any time, not just at the start of a new year, and they aren’t difficult at all. Here’s to you!

‍1. It might sound cliché, but you need to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Smile at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a compliment, treat yourself to a glass of wine in a bubble bath, have a massage, whatever makes you feel relaxed and appreciated. Also – recognise when you are tired and get an early night! Sleep is an underrated cure for low mood.

‍2. Be kind to others. Smile at a stranger, hold open a door, help someone with something and expect nothing in return, donate to charity…You might be surprised at how a random act of kindness can lift your spirits!

‍3. Save some money. Putting a sum of money away on a regular basis is something we should all try to do, even on a meagre salary. It’s important to have a little put away, and it’s good for your self-esteem. Investing is often a very sensible way to put something aside for the future but isn’t risk-free so save in a way that feels right for you.

‍4. Let go of the things you can’t change and concentrate on the things you can. Like the old adage says ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference’.

‍5. Really listen when someone is talking to you. We are all guilty of just listening so that we can take our turn to speak, and interrupting when we think of something we want to say. If we take the time to listen, and let go of anything we can’t hold in our head without interrupting, we might just hear something really interesting…

6. Recognise that every problem you have is your responsibility. Even if someone else has ‘caused’ the problem, if it is bothering you, it’s your responsibility to deal with it. This should feel empowering – knowing that if you can change your response to something means that you are in control of your emotions and wellbeing.

‍7. Take the time every day to recognise the beauty that is all around you. Just be still for 2 minutes and look around. There is beauty to be seen and heard all around us; wherever we are.

8. Get organised! File bills away as soon as you get them; put your events in your calendar – even yearly ones like when your MOT is due; and put things away after you have used them. This leads to more organised thought processes and more time to spend doing the things you want to do.

‍9. Set short term and long term goals for yourself, taking you in the direction you want to go. Every 3 months you can review your progress; cross off the things you have achieved and set yourself some more. Keep moving forward, towards your ultimate dreams.

‍10. Express gratitude for the good things in your life. You may not have everything you want yet, but you have lots to be grateful for. You might even want to keep a gratitude diary, or go through everything you are grateful for in your head before you fall asleep and when you wake up. This is great for promoting a more positive mind-set.

‍11. Read more. Books are a wonderful thing to escape into, whether it’s fiction or something that will inform you – reading is always a great use of your time.

12. Arrange to meet with friends/family regularly. Your social circles are an important part of having a happy and fulfilled life!

As usual, feel free to contact me if you feel you’d like to talk anything through 😊

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## An exploration of trust in relationships…
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/blog/an-exploration-of-trust-in-relationships
Published: 12/06/2026

What does it mean to trust someone?

Something made me think about trust the other day, and it struck me that although we all accept that relationships are built on trust,there might actually be more to trusting someone than we have previously considered…

When someone says ‘You can trust me’ what do you assume they mean? Do they mean you can share a secret with them and they’ll keep it for you? Does it mean they will stick to their word? Does it mean they will never hurt you? Does it mean all of the above and more?

In this blog I’m going to focus on the trust in a romantic relationships, but much of this could apply to any relationship where you expect to be able trust the other person.

I think my view of trust may have been fairly narrow until now. I don’t know about you, but I used to think that trust was pretty muchjust being able to believe what someone said, knowing that they are telling you the truth, and that they’d never be disloyal.

It is that – but I’ve come to realise it’s also so much more.

I now believe it makes up a big part of what we call ‘love’ – it seems to me that a loving relationship can’t exist fully without these foundations of trust.

This trust lies in knowing that a person has your best interests at heart. Knowing that they approach potential conflict from a place of love and kindness. It’s knowing they’d do anything to avoid causing you hurt or pain and it’s knowing that their feelings towards you won’t change; no matter what. It’s feeling secure in the knowledge that they will still love you and find you attractive even if you have spots, or something in your teeth, or (heaven forbid!) chin hair. It’s knowing they will forgive you even if you have a really bad day and aren’t your usual lovely self; if you have an evening of ranting and crying because something has upset you, or if you react unreasonably to something they say or do…

It’s having the security to feel free to be yourself, because you know you have their acceptance and unconditional love. It’s feeling that you can show them the parts of yourself that no one else sees and that they will accept and understand you, even the ‘you’ you are afraid to show. It’s knowing that your insecurities and self-doubts are taken seriously, and are treated gently and considerately, and knowing that you are loved because of them; not despite them. It’s being free to let go of those insecurities because the other person tells you are wonderful – and you believe them.

It’s knowing with absolute certainty that they won’t play games with you, manipulate you, coerce you, or disregard you. It’s being able to depend on them because when they say they will do something, they’ll do everything in their power to make it happen.

It’s knowing that they mean everything they say. That they’ll tell you the truth (even if it’s uncomfortable). It’s having faith that they’ll talk things through with you and that they’ll listen and try to understand you. They’ll share their feelings. They’ll respect yours. They won’t talk over you or tell you that the way you feel is wrong.

Finally, it’s about them being consistent. You can feel safe with them, never doubting where you stand. Knowing that no matter how hard things get, or how difficult some situations are, it will ALWAYS be okay.

‍And that, to me, is trust. It’s what makes a relationship strong. It’s the foundation from which you can build the most wonderful, meaningful, relationship. It’s not one sided – of course – you need to give the same in return, and in doing so you will reap great rewards. Because once you have it, you’ll never need anything else.

And that’s what we’re all looking for – isn’t it?

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## What’s your Frequency?
URL: https://rachaelblackmore.com/blog/hey-i-like-your-vibe
Published: 23/04/2026

What’s your Frequency? (I really want to add ‘Kenneth’ here)

Yesterday in a session with a client and we were talking about extroversion and introversion and the definition of each. A while ago I learned that the true definition of an extrovert isn’t necessarily someone who is loud and confident; it’s someone who is energised by being around other people. An introvert is the opposite: not necessarily shy and quiet, just someone who recharges by being alone.

This definition made sense to me; it seemed more straightforward than the well-known definitions because, as we all know, it can often depend on our mood and the company we’re in whether we are chatty and outgoing or quiet and shy.

Then before bed I was re-reading Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass – How to stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life (one of the best books ever IMO) and in it she talks about energy and how we vibrate at either a low or high frequency depending on what we’re ‘putting out there’ (eg. are we low frequency putting out negative energy in the form of being jealous, pessimistic etc, or high frequency positive energy in the form of being optimistic, encouraging, hopeful etc).

All this stuff makes sense to me – the Law of Attraction, Manifestation, asking the Universe etc. I’m really interested in it all. So when I fell asleep my mind went to work and when I woke this morning I thought ‘That’s it!’*

Let me be clear – when I say the people we are attracted to, I simply mean the people we are drawn to. The people we decide we want to spend our time with. The people we choose to become friends with. We are attracted to one another like magnets.

Being attracted to someone, then, means being pulled towards them energetically. They have the same frequency as you do. A bit like music I guess – I heard that we like the music we do because it resonates with us on a vibrational level. I liked that explanation because it makes sense in a way I can understand. I have never been able to comprehend why someone would enjoy listening to music that -to me- sounds like loud, hoarse shouting with a jumble of tuneless instruments. Now I do. It’s simply on their frequency and not mine.

So when we meet someone who is on our frequency, our vibrations match and if we are vibrating positively ourselves, we draw positive energy and feel good from being in one another’s company. Adversely, if our energy is on the low/negative side, it might also explain why we are attracting people that are also low energy and who make us feel a bit crappy.

So, if you have a friend who likes coffee, KFC and carbonara (which you wouldn’t touch) and you like tea, cake and veggie lasagne (but they don’t – madness) it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good match. On paper you may not have much in common, but when you meet it’s like ‘Yes! I’m alive! This is what it’s all about!’ It’s that wonderfully ineffable joy that one feels when they are in the company of someone who they think is – well -wonderful. If, on the other hand, you are spending time with people who make you feel a bit exhausted or drained, it might be worth looking at why you are spending time with them…

If this makes sense to you, and you are feeling like maybe you would like to tweak the energy you might be putting out there or you are missing something in your life and would like some help to find out what it might be, please get in touch. I am a counsellor who specialises in relationships and what might be going on for you. Counselling doesn’t just have to be about feeling low or having a specific issue, sometimes it’s just a sense that something isn’t quite right – you can’t put your finger on it and you want a sounding board to help you figure things out.

*Disclaimer: I am not saying no one has ever come up with this theory before! I’m sure they have. But I haven’t come across it in the way I understood it this morning and how much sense it all made to me. Just to be clear 😉

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